Chuck Lorre revisited

Oct 1, 2019

Way back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth (4th July 2011 to be precise) I mentioned my accidental discovery years previously of Chuck Lorre’s Vanity Cards. Re-visiting his site I see that, sadly, the last one was published earlier this year.

PS: The odd thing is I’ve never seen a single episode of 99% of his TV shows The Kominsky Method, Young Sheldon, Mom, The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Mike & Molly, Cybill, or Grace under fire. I must have seen a couple of episodes of Dharma & Greg to know Chucks Vanity Cards even existed. It’s a funny old world…..

When I began writing these vanity cards, the premise was simple — it’s a vanity card — be vain. And what could be more vain and self-serving than to use my two seconds of ABC’s broadcast day to share my personal beliefs with millions of viewers? But as time passed I realized I was missing a major opportunity. Rather than just tell a few jokes, I could use the two seconds to unravel the mysteries of life and death and share my discoveries with those of you who can operate a VCR or log onto the Internet sites where my words are regularly posted (yes, I lurk). So, anyway, that’s the new plan. The meaning of life, once a week, right here at the end of each Dharma & Greg show. HOW’S THAT FOR VAIN, BUCKO?! Okay, let’s get started. The secret of life is we’re all writing a vanity card. I’m not kidding, follow me on this. If we’re in agreement with the concept “I think, therefore I am,” then what are we in those rare moments when we’re not thinking? Do we cease to be? No, of course not… unless we never “were” at all, unless our actual identity is a nothing that embraces everything, but an “everything” can’t look at itself so we create the illusion of separate selves, which leads to the illusion of survival, which of course leads to all of our pain and suffering. Pride, i.e. vanity, goeth before the fall. And you thoughteth I was joking.


A guy goes into a dentist’s office. The dentist says, “How can I help you?”
The guy says, “I’m a moth.”
The dentist says, “Excuse me?”
The guy says again, “I’m a moth.”
The dentist says, “I think maybe you should be seeing a psychiatrist, not a dentist.”
The guy says, “I saw a psychiatrist.”
The dentist says, “So what are you doing here?”
The guy says…


“Your light was on.”


And so we begin the final leg of our journey. And oh what a journey it’s been. Over the last eleven years, babies were born, friends and loved ones passed away, marriages began with hope and love, while others ended with lawyers and shared custody. And through it all, through the ups and the downs, the laughter and the tears, we made a TV show that we loved, a TV show we were proud of. To those of you who have been with us from the beginning, and those who joined along the way, we want to take this opportunity to thank you all for going on this journey with us. And as for those of you who wished us ill, the haters, please know that while our feelings may occasionally have been hurt, we have always tried to understand and support your right to an opinion — even if it’s a meanspirited one. Of course it follows logically that we too should be allowed to voice our thoughts. So… “Go %#@% yourself.”

PPS: Dunno why Chuck’s book sells for £100s at Amazon when it contains a mere portion of all the vanity cards available at