Cooperisms

June 1, 2015

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………. I went to the doctors. He said “I’d like you to lie on the bed”.
I said “What for?”.
He said “I need to sweep the floor”.

I went to the doctors. He said “What appears to be the problem?”.
I said “I keep having the same dream, night after night. Beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away”.
He said “How can I help?”.
I said “Break my arms”.

I went to the doctors. I said “It hurts when I do that”.
He said “Well, don’t do it then”.

I went to the doctors. I said “With all the excitement of Christmas I can’t sleep”.
He said “Try lying on the edge of your bed and you’ll soon drop off”.

I went to the doctors. I said “I’ve got a bad back”.
He said “It’s old age”.
I said “I want a second opinion”.
He said “You’re ugly as well”.

I went to the doctors. The doctor said “I Haven’t seen you in a long time”.
I said “I know, I’ve been ill”.

I went to the doctors. I said “Have you got anything for wind?”.
He gave me a kite.

I went to the doctors. He said “Go to Bournemouth. It’s great for the ‘flu”.
So I went, and I got it.

I went to the doctors with jelly stuck in one ear and custard in the other.
He said “What seems to be the problem?”
I said “You’ll have to speak up. I’m a trifle deaf”.

I went to the doctors. I said “I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home“.
He said “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome”.
I said “Is it common?”.
He said “Well it’s not unusual”.

I went to the doctors. The doctor said “Go over to the window and stick your tongue out”.
I said “What for?”.
He said “I don’t like my neighbours”.

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